Just when we thought we could leave the toilet seat up, they had to go and make sex dolls talk. All we men really wanted was for them to shut up and put out. Was that too much to ask? Damn you inventor Douglas Hines, what where you thinking when you invented “sex robot” Roxxxy?

CNN reports:

“She doesn’t vacuum or cook, but she does almost everything else,” said her inventor, Douglas Hines, who unveiled Roxxxy last month at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada.

So wait, Roxxxy talks, but she doesn’t vacuum or cook? We think he’s got things backwards.

But it gets worse:

Powered by a computer under her soft silicone “skin,” she employs voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software to answer questions and carry on conversations. She even comes loaded with five distinct “personalities,” from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy, that can be programmed to suit customers’ preferences.

She has multiple personalities? Watch out. Put it in the wrong hole, and she might flip a switch.

We admit there are some nice features though:

A motor in her chest pumps heated air through a tube that winds through the robot’s body, which Hines says keeps her warm to the touch. Roxxxy also has sensors in her hands and genital areas — yes, she is anatomically correct — that will trigger vocal responses from her when touched. She even shudders to simulate orgasm.

Ok, that’s cool. But Hines might have gone too far, when he said:

“To make it as realistic as possible, she has different dialogue at different times. She talks in her sleep. She even snores.”

So Roxxxy snores, can’t cook, can’t vacuum, and talks. Could you at least have made her hot?

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